I’m getting better in the head with this. Getting better in the head with the idea that you love me and love her, have her, choose her. Some days that is so much harder to deal with than other days. Some days it’s okay. Today is okay. It’s a completely fucked up relationship we’ve chosen to keep. That we’ve both hurt each other in very painful ways. That we have admitted everything and nothing. Over and over. And we aren’t willing (or maybe not ready) to let go.
I have no idea if we will still be in each other’s lives years from now. I have no idea. I like to think so. In some capacity. Because you do matter. I continue to keep packing away all the shit we were so I can live with what we are. Some days I pack slower than others. Some days I pack like a motherfucker just to try to be past it all. Some days I try to remember that mantra that goes something like Don’t be sad it ended. Smile because it happened. In the end I hope all I have are the smiles.